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Post by Espeon Master~Jirachi on Mar 30, 2004 22:15:58 GMT -5
As Jirachi was walking he came across the Fogfern Woods. "Must be dark in there with all of those dark clouds" Jirachi said. Going inside the Fogfern Woods was the first mistake......but their were many more secrets about the Fogfern Woods no one knows about and Jirachi was about to find them out.
As Jirachi was walking in the Fogfern Woods, Jirachi was thinking about what pokemon he wants. Still walking until he was caught at a fork in the road."Right or Left" Jirachi Thought. "I'll go right I think" Jirachi said. While I was walking I saw something moving in the bushes. So I go over to the bushes and see a Xatu trying to get food. When the Xatu looked up it had used Peck attack and had pecked me in the face.I had fallen down and held my face.When I looked again it was gone.So I got up and went looking for that Xatu. While walking I saw a mossed figure.So I went up to the figure and wiped away some of the moss........it said "The Fogfern Shrine". "So this is the famous fogfern shrine" I said. *Looks up* and sees a ball looking shape that was green. *Climbs up* and sees three Natus. Try to grab one but then a Mightyena bites my hand then a Umbreon takes the Natu so they can eat it."Their going to eat it!, not if I say so, Go Angel(Eevee) use Quick Attack on Mightyena" Jirachi said.
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Post by Tristan on Mar 30, 2004 22:50:26 GMT -5
Well, first off i think you should read the rules on how to capture a Pokemon. You can't decide what Pokemon you find, that's the grader's job. Also, you need to decide how you are going to narrate the story. You went from 3rd person, to 1st person, to using emotes, to 1st person again. And another thing, i really recommend you don't use emotes in your stories; it makes them very tacky and unrealistic. You should also make the story a bit longer, and add a lot more detail. Talk about things like, what the weather is like, what the Pokemon look like, what your character is thinking at the moment. Fix all that and i'll re-grade.
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Post by Espeon Master~Jirachi on Mar 31, 2004 18:44:47 GMT -5
That wasnt the pokemon i wanted though but this is the pokemon I want, Natu(Ability~Undecided)
As Chris was walking down the road to Fogfern Woods he was thinking anbout what pokemon he wants. On the way there he met a trainer. The trainer wanted to battle so Chris let out his pokemon."Go Angel(Eevee)"Chris said.The trainer threw out a red and white ball."Go Storm Chaser"the trainer said and a Pidgeot came out."Angel use Quick Attack" Chris said."Storm Chaser use Gust attack" Trainer 1 said. As the huge Tornado came toward Angel, Angel dashed forward toward Storm Chaser and hit his left wing and caused him to fall but the wind from the gust attack kept them up it soon dropped them. As they where dropped they kept on battling."Angel use Take Down to keep Pidgeot away from you" Chris said. Pidgeot couldn't move so the attack hit perfectly.It had sent Pidgeot falling faster then before. Then Pidgeot had been able to move his left wing and it used Wing Attack and missed. Pidgeot had used another Wing Attackbut then Chris had called out "Angel use Bite on his wing when he come for the attack. When he came back for the attack Angel had bite his wing."Now keep on spinning until you are about to hit the groung let go and use Quick Attack and dash to the side so you wont get hurt." As they were nearing the ground Angel had spinned. As they were about to hit the ground Angel had let go and Storm Chaser had spinned hitting the ground smack hard and then Angel had Quick Attacked out of the way and had not been hurt. Pidgeot was KO'ed.
On the way to the Fogfern Woods Chris had seen a black shadow that quickly dashed into the woods."Wonder what that was" Chris said. As Chris entered the woods he saw the same shadow and it disappeared again. So he walked in the woods until he came across a fork in the road. He went right and saw something in the bushes. As he looked in the bushes he cut his hand on a thorn vine growing around the bushes."Angel use Bite on the bushes" Chris said. Angel bit the thorns and then Chris opened the bushes and found a Xatu. As he went to pet the Xatu it pecked him in the face and he fell. When he got back up the Xatu was gone. So he went looking for the Xatu. Walking down the path he saw a mossy figure." If thats moss it should come off easily" Chris thought. So Chris wipes off the middle part of the of the figure and it said "The Great Shrine of the Fogfern Woods and the breeding ground for many Pokemon." "So this is the sacred breeding grounds in these woods hm........." Chris said. As Chris looks toward the left he sees a Mightyeon(Fusion between Mightyena and Umbreon) carrying a Natu, and the mother Xatu following it. The Mightyeon uses Crunch on Xatu causing it to faint. "Go Angel use Quick Attack on Mightyeon." Angel hit Mightyeon and it had let go of the Natu. The Mightyeon had got mad and wanted to fight." Angel use Take Down on it" Chris said.The Mightyeon had been hit before it can attack.This happened about 4 times. "Angel use Quick Attack and defeat Mightyeon. Mightyeon had used Bite and missed then Angel had hit Mightyeon really hard cauing it to faint. Watching the battle Natu had thanked Chris for saving it and wanted to battle................
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Post by Tristan on Mar 31, 2004 22:19:37 GMT -5
Again i'll tell you; you can't decide what pokemon you find! You have to END the story when BEFORE you know what the pokemon was. You can't pick the Natu, you have to let us do that. I also found a lot of spelling/grammar errors. Read through a bunch before you submit...
Keep trying...
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Post by Espeon Master~Jirachi on Mar 31, 2004 22:50:03 GMT -5
This is the pokemon I want, Natu(Ability Undecided)
As Chris was walking down the road to Fogfern Woods he was thinking about what pokemon he wants. On the way there he met a trainer. The trainer wanted to battle so Chris let out his pokemon."Go Angel (Eevee)"Chris said. The trainer threw out a red and white ball.†Go Storm Chaser†the trainer said and a Pidgeot came out.†Angel use Quick Attack" Chris said.†Storm Chaser use Gust attack" Trainer 1 said. As the huge Tornado came toward Angel, Angel dashed forward and had been scratched and been bleeding all over but still dashing toward Storm Chaser and hit his left wing and caused him to fall but the wind from the gust attack kept them up it soon dropped them. As they where dropped they kept on battling.†Angel use Take Down to keep Pidgeot away from you" Chris said. Pidgeot couldn't move so the attack hit perfectly. It had sent Pidgeot falling faster then before. Then Pidgeot had been able to move his left wing and it used Wing Attack and missed. Pidgeot had used another Wing Attack but then Chris had called out "Angel use Bite on his wing when he comes for the attack. When he came back for the attack Angel had bite his wing.†Now keep on spinning until you are about to hit the ground let go and use Quick Attack and dash to the side so you wont get hurt." As they were nearing the ground Angel had spanned. As they were about to hit the ground Angel had let go and Storm Chaser had spanned hitting the ground smack hard and then Angel had Quick Attacked out of the way and had not been hurt. Pidgeot was KO'ed.
On the way to the Fogfern Woods Chris had seen a black shadow that quickly dashed into the woods.†Wonder what that was" Chris said. As Chris entered the woods he saw the same shadow and it disappeared again. So he walked in the woods until he came across a fork in the road. He went right and saw something in the bushes. As he looked in the bushes he cut his hand on a thorn vine growing around the bushes.†Angel use Bite on the bushes" Chris said. Angel bit the thorns and then Chris opened the bushes and found a Xatu. As he went to pet the Xatu it pecked him in the face and he fell. When he got back up the Xatu was gone. So he went looking for the Xatu. Walking down the path he saw a mossy figure." If that’s moss it should come off easily" Chris thought. So Chris wipes off the middle part of the of the figure and it said "The Great Shrine of the Fogfern Woods and the breeding ground for many Pokemon." "So this is the sacred breeding grounds in this woods hm........." Chris said. As Chris looks toward the left he sees a Mightyeon (Fusion between Mightyena and Umbreon) is carrying a Natu, and the mother Xatu following it. The Mightyeon uses Crunch on Xatu causing it to faint. "Go Angel use Quick Attack on Mightyeon." Angel hit Mightyeon and it had let go of the Natu and the Natu ran into the bushes. The Mightyeon had got mad and wanted to fight." Angel use Take Down on it" Chris said. The Mightyeon had been hit before it can attack. This happened about 4 times. "Angel use Quick Attack and defeat Mightyeon. Mightyeon had used Bite and missed then Angel had hit Mightyeon really hard causing it to faint. Then Chris looked around and went into bushes and saw………………..
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Post by Tristan on Apr 3, 2004 14:43:32 GMT -5
Natu/F/Early Bird.
It was eating some berries blissfully.
(Ok, the story still had quite a lot of spelling errors. And you keeps switching from 3rd person to 1st person, you need to decide what you are going to use. There were also a lot of grammar errors, but i'll let you find a Natu since you've tried a lot of times. Just work a lot harder on the second section of the story, and take your time on it. Spend a few days on it, and make sure that it all makes sence. Use some other stories on the site if you need help.)
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Kinglatios
Rookie Trainer
The time of the Lati@s has come!
Posts: 6
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Post by Kinglatios on Jul 16, 2004 18:14:42 GMT -5
I was in the Fogfern Woods. The smell of warm water was in the air. I kept hearing sounds. Trees were falling in the north like crazy. Something moved!
A huge crack lay in the ground in front of me. Then, I thought I heard Thunder. The ground started shaking. It was so dark I could see nothing. Then, I saw red eyes looking at me.
A huge Roar shook the ground. I started to run. Fire blazed all around me, giving light to the being. It was Groudon. There's no escape. I must catch it or die.
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Kinglatios
Rookie Trainer
The time of the Lati@s has come!
Posts: 6
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Post by Kinglatios on Jul 16, 2004 18:18:21 GMT -5
Oh, sorry. The first was wrong. Okay, here goes.
I was in the Fogfern Woods. The smell of warm water was in the air. I kept hearing sounds. Trees were falling in the north like crazy. Something moved!
A huge crack lay in the ground in front of me. Then, I thought I heard Thunder. The ground started shaking. It was so dark I could see nothing. Then, I saw red eyes looking at me.
A huge Roar shook the ground. I started to run. Fire blazed all around me, giving light to the being. There's no escape. I must catch it or die.....
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